“Wives, mothers should leave the Bible teaching to their husbands.”
“Wives, mothers should let the majority of the discipline, especially spanking, be done by the father.”
“If you disagree with your husband, wait until later and pray before you say anything.”
These are examples of advice that can’t be blindly followed, if at all.
If you have heard/read these types of things, lean in real close, hear me.
“It’s a trap.”
I listened to these types of “instruction.” I just about destroyed our home. In the last eighteen months, I have come to realize that there was one thing from all that “teaching” that was right: Submit to your husband as to the Lord. I found that as much as it thrown around in certain circles, it is so easily misinterpreted and taught incorrectly. I went to the Lord in prayer. I got my answer. To submit to my husband is to realize my husband’s strengths and weaknesses and work to make sure he doesn’t suffer loss. Whether it be materially, spiritually, in his relationships, etc. I am to step up and respond according to how he is to make sure our home brings all the glory to God.
My husband was a pastor’s son. His family is filled with Christians going back centuries. My family is just about as opposite from this as one can get. Upon the announcement of our engagement, I was informed that I was the blessed one to have my husband want to marry me and make me a part of his wonderful family. A few years later, I was told that many didn’t think we would make it because of my past, blah, blah, blah. I was assured that my husband knew how to be and do it all; and they all hoped I would learn from him. Being convinced they were right, I sought to find instruction that would show me, a “less-than” woman*, to help a “more-than” man. Naturally, I gravitated toward “patriarchal” type of rhetoric for help. *my husband has NEVER viewed me this way, but I did.
My husband hates conflict. He avoids. He had to be pushed to take an active role in parenting or anything beyond working. He keeps to himself and doesn’t know how to build relationships of any real depth or consistency. These are definite weaknesses as a husband and father (He has heard this from me and is aware). In “leaving it to the man.” I left our family vulnerable and should have kept doing what I had been doing–the majority of the Bible teaching and discipleship, training and discipline. I thought I was doing what a “good Christian wife” does by waiting for my husband to “lead.” I was not. There was a reason I was raised by a single (most of the time) mom. I was trained to be this man’s wife. I can do what needs to be done without taking over, unless that is what is needed. In not helping my husband in his weaknesses because some women said “good Christian wives let their husband lead,” he was left vulnerable and so was our family. We all “suffered loss.”
It didn’t work. Years later, my husband and I find that to have a loving, happy family, this is not the kind of “advice” to entertain, much less follow. My husband has to work many hours just to keep up. He doesn’t have time to field all the needed discipleship of the children or needs at home. God is gracious. He has helped us to see our error some time ago, but we are still working to bring healing and help to our family. God has changed me drastically in the last eighteen months. At the end of myself and just wanting Him for Himself, He came near and has stayed near. I haven’t been the same since. My husband has seen me become stronger in faith. I am confident in what God is doing in me and our home. I have hope. I like myself. After hating myself, for as long as I can remember, I realized I like who I am becoming. It hit me. I was in a depression for years. I didn’t know it. Now, I am alive and thriving. God did it.
We are getting rid of old ways of thinking and living that do not foster growth in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. We are renewing what our children have missed from earlier times and adding new things to move us forward in building God’s Kingdom as He leads. Our family and home are being renewed. The children are happier. There is temperance. It is beautiful. We are blessed.